Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
