Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We just shotgunned beers for America
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Randomize
