Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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