Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
