there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Porn is love you can see.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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