she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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