i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
