i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
