I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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