I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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