Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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