I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
