Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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