Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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