You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
