Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
