I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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