I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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