were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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