So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
