Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
