I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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