My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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