We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
