I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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