I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
