Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
