Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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