Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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