She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
