matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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