So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
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My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
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I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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