i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
