Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
