I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
