Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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