I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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