he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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