mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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