I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
