His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
