If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
