I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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