My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
