Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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