someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
