somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I can't put those talents on a resume
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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