Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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