Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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