so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
