he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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