I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
