He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
