he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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