I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
