we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
