You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
