i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
