I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Randomize
