Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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