yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
