hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
