I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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