conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
