I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
