So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
