we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Barsexuality is the new black.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
