I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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