so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
