Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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