I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
