I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
