My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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